Controlled by a world of fragility
Careful not to break the chains
I know that it’ll be too dangerous to
free what’s been contained
It’ll be too hard to control
A world that I had purposely left
untouched
I lost the key without a care
I hadn’t wished to return
Only to find the hurt I had buried there
I wanted nothing more to do with that
dark place
The memories and bridges I had burned
were burned deep into my eyes
When I turned my cheek to it, it came
back to haunt me;
It raps at my mind’s front door, and then
in it comes, forcing its way:
It pulls up on the windows; it breaks
them and oozes in.
It bangs on the doors and then knocks
them down,
It fills up the room
It rises all around me so I begin to
drown.
It causes me to address the situation
that’s at hand;
Rising out of the ashes of the
extinguished,
is a beating heart glowing a brilliant
red.
Long ago I struck the match that lit the
fire, then fled.
I burned the whole place to the ground;
I doused it all in kerosene and lit a
single matchstick.
I turned my back and ran as fast as I
could
But still I felt the heat of the flame
I wanted to avoid any reason to return
I didn’t want to go back to what I had
thought I escaped.
I wanted to forget, and make others
forget
All that remained buried beneath the ash
What I thought would remain forever
I locked the place away inside myself
I took each precautionary measure
The blackened ash was scarcely seen and
was never touched
Until now when whispers and wind exposed
what I’ve left
It brings to memory all that I’d sworn to
forget
Never did I want to unearth what remained
beneath the soot
The memory of the jump that concluding in
the heart shattering land
Fear of rejection, fear of connection,
fear of the end occurred again and again
So only my damaged outer shell left me
feeling the smallest bit of security
My heart felt like an unsolvable puzzle
It only began to solve itself after years
of self preservation
Hardening my armor and holding steadfast
to the only thing I trusted
The shoulder that absorbed every tear
that cascaded down like leaves on a willow
It softened each blow that I felt
… He brought the puzzle’s completion with
his love
He made me strong once again but he didn’t
know about the abandoned ash;
He’d not been informed of my past…
Now the soot is settling in a new home, a
new home within me
This new heart has emerged
It glows brilliant, blazing, shining and
slick
It’s a heart like that of a wicked
phoenix
Rising from the blackened ash of my past
This new heart has opened mine
Its glowing red rays are tangible an now
they’ve grazed me
They’re sharp as blades
And what I could not foresee:
The whispering winds have blown the soot
straight into my heart.
The damage I’ve sustained at the mercy of
this new heart’s rays
Sting like the worst paper cut
And ache like the most brutal heartbreak
This radiant crimson heart dominates over
mine
It disables my vessels and stops the flow
Draining the life out of me
I wish I could wake up from this
nightmare:
my worst fear come to life.
But I know it’s reality, not a dream
It’s complete despair.
My past has come back to kill me with its
merciless reincarnation
My heartbeat slowly withers away
Replaced by this infectious heart, mine
fades
Its glowing rays of razor blades
Tear me up inside
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