Breaking Inhibition

My fingers hit the keys heavily, furiously,
Due to anxiety to release what’s inside,
To set free to a blank white sky what I’ve tried so hard to hide:
the lonely, dark heavy emotion that’s afraid to publicly show its head.
It waits for the paper and it waits for the pen
So it can fling itself onto the white abyss where it can find its end.

But the pain and fear always return
So I’ll find myself writing again.

I come and I go because it’s always there; writing is my friend.

When I’m writing
I’m releasing emotion:
Bringing calm to the ocean
With it’s current that’s constantly pushing and pulling
On my mind throughout the years
Its constant tide is always there, ebbing in my ears.

When I put pen to paper
My heart flows freely to the lead
So I can finally rest my aching head
From all the pent-up stress
Hidden from the eyes of others
The stuff that’s been building up, that’s been suffocating beneath the covers
Of the façade I put in place for all to see
For fear of what they’ll think of the real me,
The real me who’s alive in the writer me
The me who’s afraid, who’s alone, and who only trusts the barriers she herself has built.

So any one person could understand how sharing my work is terrifying:
I’m fearful someone will take my work, read it, and then frown,
And then, onto me, they shall look down.

Giving someone my work is like letting them take what I hold closest,
It’s saying “Here’s my heart, the one that I’ve always kept so heavily guarded, the one where writer Katelynn resides;
The pl, essentially, the real me hides.”
It’s saying “Take my heart. Go ace whereon and take it. Take it. Take it please”
Letting my heart go should feel like letting all my inhibitions free to float away on the breeze.

Which should feel like letting the real me break through the exterior Katelynn;

It should feel like an exhilarating free-fall where life is only saved by the joyous wings of flight.
Releasing the papers of my work unto another’s eager eyes
Should be as easy as exhaling into the wind
As soon as I’m able to loosen my grip: Once I let go and I just give in.